Can we be lovers and not have sex?

Brentan Schellenbach, posted by,

“For me, sharing sex with someone requires a certain alignment, and I do not take that lightly. My sex requires that I can possibly foresee living with a person and combining all my stuff with all of their stuff (and I mean physical, emotional, cognitive and spiritual stuff—the stuff that just feels heavy if it’s not the right fit, but feels buoyant beyond imagination when it is). It is delicate, it is careful, it is not presumptuous or impulsive.

And I do not think that our connection is somehow weakened because we do not share our bodies with each other.

For love is love is love is love, and that is what I want. I only want us to fall in love.”

It is my intention to fill my life with love.  I love my sweetheart.  I love my Mom.  I love my dear departed Dad (though I often did not like him).  I love my kid.  Actually, I love most kids.  I love my clients, and the participants at my events.  I love my friends.  I love my dog (most dogs).  I have sweet interactions with almost everyone I meet, little momentary love affairs.  

“When I see you we will embrace and hold a hug long enough to glimpse some insight from each other’s heartbeat.

I would like us to share the couch together, rather than creating a “do not cross” line where we may as well be sitting on brick blocks seated four feet away. Give me your knee, your foot, your thigh—let your body dangle on top of my body so I can know you the way litters of kittens know each other.

I want to show up to you and look into your eyes instead at your eyes.

I would like you to leave our time together feeling loved and free and full of your most vibrant and luscious hue of you-ness.”

To be clear, I don’t like what some people do or say sometimes.  And, loving people does not mean shielding them from the consequences of their behavior.  I’m not a saint or a bodhisattva, there are people I do not love or like, people I am unwilling to open my heart to, people I judge as not worthy of my love or not safe to love.  I have so much to learn about loving everyone.

My friend Stan Dale often said “there is either love or violence.”  I chose love.

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