I Think About Sex

A friend recently referred to something she’d read that claimed, on average, men think about sex once every 23 seconds (or something like that).  I went looking online to see if there was any research to support this claim and found that Snopes.com thinks it’s an urban legend.

The Kinsey Institute studies such things and according to the Kinsey Institute FAQ  “54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 4% less than once a month.”   Which is still a lot of thinking about sex.  (And has me think “What-do-you-know, I guess I’m like a lot a guys on this one.”)  According to Kinsey, 19% of women think about sex everyday or several times a day, 67% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 14% less than once a month.  In other words, more than half of all guys are thinking about sex daily or more, but only a fifth of women are.

Men’s sexual fantasies tend to be more sexually explicit than women’s; women’s fantasies tend to be more emotional and romantic.  In one study, men’s fantasies mentioned a partner’s sexual desire and pleasure more frequently than did women’s fantasies .

Personal admission:  I really like thinking about sex, almost as much as I like having sex!  I like looking at sex sites on the internet.  I like musing about what it might be like to be sexual with various of my acquaintances.  I aspire to feel at least a little turned-on during my every waking minute.  It is my experience that when I’m in touch with my sexuality I’m more alert, more charming, happier, more self-assured and sexier.  When my sexuality is up close to my surface I’m playful and witty and I feel capable of loving everyone (not making love to everyone, opening my heart to everyone).  I think the world would be a much better place if we all allowed ourselves to naturally embrace our sexual thoughts and attitudes.

Am I “oversexed”?  Am I a “sex addict” ?  I was talking to Dr. Marty Klein the other day on my podcast – Sex, Love & Intimacy –  and he argued strongly that the whole notion of sex addiction was really more about “America’s War on Sex” than anything clinical.  In a paper titled “Sex Addiction: A Dangerous Clinical Concept”  Dr. Klein argues that “America is desperate for a model of sexual health…that is clinically complex and culturally informed…a model of sexual health that does not pathologize a broad range of eroticism.”

BTW I found a great site describing what we men are thinking about when we’re not thinking about sex .   Here’s the list:

  1. We’re thinking about how cool it would be to have super-powers.
  2. We’re going to quit our jobs soon.
  3. We’re thinking that it would be awesome to be involved in a heist.
  4. We’re thinking we are better at hunting, fishing & sports than we actually are.
  5. We’re thinking it would be great to own a wild animal as a pet.
  6. The sixth thing that men are thinking about is, of course, sex, as well as the seventh thing.

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